The Chinese called getting a wedding invitation as a red bomb... and I believe it is meant to be insulting. How you call something a bomb and not being insulting? I for one, do not understand the whole fiasco in receiving invitations.
I mean, when you get invited to a marriage dinner, it meant that they at least remembered your name when preparing the long lists of family, family's friends, relatives, etc. Thus, I was puzzled when people shuddered or joked about it when they received an invitation. Further questioning revealed that they deemed getting an invitation card as equivalent to extortion of money!
Why on Earth would anyone think that? Traveling back to the olden days, giving red packets filled with money by attendees of dinner to the couples are a form of blessing and well-wishing. It sort of meant the attendee is in approval of their marriage and wish them to have good long years ahead of them.
Unfortunately, somewhere down the road, being a Chinese trademark, someone figured out a way to make money out of it. It is generally considered rude if you get your invitation and not attending the dinner. If you are busy, you're supposed to send in a gift (usually red packet) for the couple. Thus, some despicable husband/wife/family/relatives thought of inviting everyone including those that they do not even remember the name of!
And thus began the aversion of getting wedding invitations. Which was understandable... if you're getting invited to a dinner of someone that you barely know of! However, the same complainants are being invited by their (supposedly) good friends. And yet, they would be complaining and stuff. I supposed it is generally regarded that someone is uncool or insane if they do not complain when getting an invitation to a wedding dinner.
Of course, those who held wedding are not blameless too. The first time that I was invited to a wedding dinner, I had what my Malay teacher said a 'cultural shock'. I knew that my parents would prepare a red packet for couples whenever they attended a wedding dinner... but I have always thought that it's sort of voluntary. I mean, you invited me to a dinner... it's not a movie or circus where I have to pay for admission!
Imagine my surprise (yes, I don't have any street smarts) when my friends who came with me told me that I'm supposed to prepare a red packet to give to the couple. And there is even a standard price too! What has the world come to? The acceptable amount of money that one is supposed to put in the red packet is determined by the place/state the dinner is in... it is also based on whether the dinner is in a hotel or in a restaurant... also if no alcohol is served in the wedding dinner, the market price is supposed to drop drastically! I attended this non-alcoholic dinner where my friends actually revised the amount in the red packet when they found out about it! And oh, we're supposed to write our name at the back of the red packet so that they will know who paid less and who paid more! Ugh! My friends kept on telling me that it's the custom, but the problem is that this very practice violates the spirit of the custom that we're supposed to uphold.
Some of my friends said that the couple would go bankrupt if they held the wedding dinner and invited us for free. However, one must ask why do you need so many people to attend your dinner in the first place? For me, I don't see any reason of even inviting some of my relatives that I have not spoken more than ten sentences for the past 20 years. And I fail to see the need to invite your colleagues who can barely utter your full name!
I do not mind giving red packets to couple because as I said earlier, it's a form of blessing and well-wishing. And if I attended the wedding, then it meant that I am really just trying to wish the couple well and not because I had to. However it really irked me as to how commercialized this has become. I attended one wedding where there's this receptionist (formed with the bride's friends) who will check your name against a list and then give me the seat number only when I presented them the red packet! I did not even get to pass on some well wishes to the couple!
If I were to hold a wedding dinner (which, by the way is... never!) I would not be accepting red packets... and yes, that meant that my spending would be more, but I see it as a good opportunity to trim the guest list down to a precious few. Why would you want to invite someone and then talk not more than a sentence during dinner? Through this, I would be able to really talk with those few who I treasured the most, making them as a memorable part of my wedding instead of thinking back and not remembering who attended my wedding and who did not. I would also not serve alcohol in the dinner. Afterall, if I'm not taking money from you, you can't complain what I decide to serve or not to serve :P.
I could never find out the relation of alcohol with wedding dinner... my friends said that drinking alcohol will make people happier... duh, if you're not happy enough for me and need booze to create some artificial happiness, don't come to my wedding dinner! Besides, I see nothing happy about watching my guest raving, ranting and singing all through the dinner. Also, I'm sure my wife would prefer a sober husband rather than a smelly, vomiting and babbling stranger when she retire for the night. Besides, being drunk in front of your wife/husband is the worst possible image you could show to them and who knows what secrets you might spill out during that time (eg. calling out another person's name who is not your wife/husband, parents or dog again and again is a sure way to have a one-night marriage):P.
It is really a waste that such a beautiful (supposedly) once in a lifetime event turned out to be such demoralizing and ugly thing just because a few people made a bad impression. I guess it really is true that a drop of colouring will destroy a whole bowl of milk (taken from a Malay proverb).
7 comments:
I see you're reminiscing Ms Zaiton eh? :P What's cultural shock in Malay already? :S
Oh am I invited? Am I invited? I can pronounce and SPELL your full name! I also talked to you for more than 10 sentences in the past week. That counts right? :P
wat's with the sudden insight on weddings? planning urs alrd? :P
iamthewitch: I think it's 'kejutan budaya' or something :P
If you read carefully, there's a word "NEVER" in the sentence
CY: what is the matter with everyone? Which part of the word "NEVER" that you guys didn't understand? I write about this because I'm going to attend my 10th wedding dinner. :P
It actually depends on the culture of the place. Do you know that in Sibu, guests are not supposed to give any red packets?
I was invited to one last year. The bride and groom told me not to prepare any red packet as it's not part of their culture.
HY : Interesting post. Agree with you that weddings are becoming very commercialised and painful to attend.
Half the time you receive invitations from people whom you hardly speak to. To be frank, I will just politely tell them I can't make it. Not sincere to be there, so no point going. So, for the newly wed, should just invite those people whom you want to share your happy moments with. Simple.
Talking about the Ang Pau. The way it is being practised is a real joke ! Why do we give Ang Pau ? No, it is not dependent on where it is held, how much the couple spent for the food, whether they have booze or not. The Ang Pau, is the guest's contribution to help the couple, as they will need a lot of support to start a family. So, contribute according to what you can afford. That is how it should be.
Your experience at the wedding was quite interesting. He he. They will prepare a list and mark down who paid how much la. But I doubt they won't let you in if you didn't bring Ang Pau.
Yin Hoon: REally? I thought all Chinese are the same :P
HY: Hmmm... I supposed I would feel better to think it as a contribution to start a family kua...
I'm not sure if it's the same to everyone, but my married friends told me that they wrote down the amount each person paid so that they would know how much to give when they're invited to that guest's wedding in the future. It's what we call in Cantonese 'lai seong wong loi'.... something to do with returning the good deeds of others, as part of the social culture among Chinese.
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