Director: Olivier Megaton
Running time: 1 hour 40 minutes
Genre: Action, Thriller
Okay, so I'm a little bit biased... I hated Transporter and Transporter 2. So, when I watched Transporter 3, I went in as a skeptic... and came out as one pissed off cinema patron. It's like at this age and time, how can anyone make such a terrible, terrible movie... even home videos are sometimes much better than this.
Sure, it has all the things that 'should' make bloodthirsty humans crave for... nice car, nice fighting moves, nice kabooms... but the very fundamentals of the movie is missing... and that is speech. Yup, and hence the title.
Well, the story this time is about a company who is threatening a minister by kidnapping his daughter and force the minister to sign some documents that would allow the company to dump several shipments of wastes in the country... and the 'Transporter, Frank Martin (Jason Statham) is forcibly employed to transport some goods. Just like every villain, they try to kill everyone when the job is finished... well, almost finished anyway and it's payback time.
Well, the kabooms and speed car chases are okay, I supposed... but then again, this is the age where we have seen tonnes of movies like this... if this movie came out a decade earlier, it would have garnered good reviews... however, now it's just all same old, same old.
As I said earlier, the fundamentals of this movie is missing. The characters' lines are just terrible and catastrophic. Half of the time, I just can't make out what are they saying and the other half, the jokes just fall flat on the floor... splat! I don't know if they have a faulty mike or the characters are the ones making the lines, but this might be the only movie that I watched in cinema where I actually felt sleepy. Even that disastrous "Bridge to Terabithia" did not make me want to leave the cinema before the movie ends.
Jason Statham as Frank Martin... the Transporter is okay I supposed... though this movie sort of focus on him breaking the rules that he made for himself... yeah, that's a 'big surprise'. However, the one single character that I think might burn forever in my mind is Natalya Rudakova as Valentina Vasilev... the damsel in distress. If you are looking for a benchmark to call a woman a bitch, that's the one you should look for. Her body language. her face (which is terrible looking, by the way), her speech all of them make me just want to slap her crazy. If I were Frank, I seriously would just leave her by the side of the road and drive away... that, of course is before Frank realised her importance.
In summary, do not watch this movie... not even for the actions... it might just get the worst movie of the year award.
Observation: I thought that it is impossible to smash a car window under water... but it seems that Frank has super strength.
Bottomline: Avoid at all costs
Bambooo Ranking: 2.0 / 5.0
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